Monday, July 27, 2009

Taking my son with long hair to the salon?

My son Alex decided to grow his hair out two years ago. His hair is all one length, just past his shoulders, and blonde in color.



Last week, I was talking to hairdresser, and we started talking about my family. Inevitably, we started talking about Alex's hair. She recommended I bring him to the salon.



When I asked Alex how he would feel about this, he said he would be nervous at first... but eventually agreed, and is now actually looking forward to his appointment this Monday.



We started talking about treatments - and agreed to have his hair layered, for added movement and body. Alex does not mind doing things traditionally considered "feminine," and he is homeschooled so escapes much of the ridicule other children are subjected to.



I've never had a daughter, and I'm a little ecstatic my son is willing to partake in a visit to the salon with me. I'd like this to be one of many. But I also want him to have fun. Any ideas how I can make sure he enjoys this "beauty time?"



Taking my son with long hair to the salon?

If you treat him like this for long he may be considered more feminine than you would care for.



Taking my son with long hair to the salon?

treat himlik eyour son! his going to feel your trating him like a feminine and wish you didnt have a boy! have another baby maybe she will be a girl and u can do all the girly stuff, respect him and his decision as well!



Taking my son with long hair to the salon?

Now, given this is all based on a few paragraphs, and may not be an accurate account of your parenting, but...



Feminine? Cool. Androgynous? Great.



But there's certainly a line. Going to the salon for an appointment your mother set up for you (apparently without even asking him first) because of how she and her hairdresser felt your hair should be? That's crossing the line.



When it comes to guys, there's a difference between "feminine" and "effeminate", at least in connotation. The former can be poetic and quite pretty in a natural way. The latter is just affected and overly refined... sissy, mama's boy, etc...



There's a point where you're over-mothering him. I'm assuming he's a teenager... in which case he should be making these decisions for himself, without his mother's input. Hell, many teenagers thrive on doing things their parents hate. It's all part of being a teenager. But treating him like a daughter (your suggestion...) and dolling him up and having him associate every bit of his identity with you isn't a good thing. It can really backfire, in so many ways. Especially since he doesn't go to public school... that's coddling him enough. Going to public school and standing your ground when people make fun of you because you look like a "fag" is part of the big picture of shaping kids. It gives them the moxy they need to balance femininity. I should know... I went to public highschool in feather-boas and Bowie-esque make-up.



It's great that you're spending time together and this and that... just make sure it's HIS decision, and he has the upperhand on it (getting a few "f**k you, mom"s is part of having a teenager, and parents just need to accept that)... and that it's very *natural* for him. Because as it seems, he doesn't have much control over any of it... he doesn't even have school to vent at.



The Norman Bates stereotype is there for a reason.

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